Living with ADHD: You Are Not Stupid, You Are Not Broken, You Are a Gift.
For the first time, I didn’t feel guilty or shameful when I fell off track.
I have been riding the self-improvement train for as long as I can recall. Like many ADHDers, my potential was never in question. What was shrouded in uncertainty was whether I would ever fulfill that potential. And so year after year, month after month, goal by goal, I have attempted, failed, reattempt, failed, and on and on.
And every time I fell of course whether with my nutrition goals, hydrating goals, movement goals, foreign language goals, musical instrument goals, or educational goals, the accompanying guilt and shame over not following through quite literally were enough to bring on depression episodes and life choices where I found myself a million miles (figuratively) away from my target goal.
I thought I could hate myself to love myself, but that didn’t really work.
As some of you can imagine, each round of guilt, shame, and mental self-battery left me feeling more demoralized and drained of motivation for longer and longer periods. Which just added more and more distance between my reality and my goal.
Dust yourself off and try again, as Aaliyah said.
Motivation, plans, schedules, check-in friends, pattern awareness, body cues, thought recognition, all the strategies and tactics, and onward to my goals!
Cue the life stress, cue the diminishing motivation, cue the diminishing dopamine, cue all the ADHD things, and I found myself 1 month into my goal and my habitual responses were taking over. I began restricting food (no time to eat, all food seems awful, nothing looks good, no longer meal prepping, water is decreasing, coffee is increasing). I felt too tired and stressed to work out. I was on my phone more, scrolling or distracting with a show. I was procrasti-cleaning and getting angry while doing so. My emotional self-control was decreasing.
Letting it Go is the Best Thing I Have Ever Done
And now, I am well into those patterns that foreshadow a complete abandonment of my goals.
I don’t feel guilty about it. I don’t feel ashamed. All those memories and feelings from past failures don’t seem as present as they once did.
That is…so refreshing. I am not failing. I have succeeded in recognizing my habitual responses to stress, decreased dopamine, and demands and expectations, etc. I recognized it WHILE it was occurring. I don’t feel shame.
TBH I don’t quite know what I feel. This is a new experience for me. I am taking this moment to reassess; to regroup; to pick up the things that gave me the motivation in the first place. What I really feel is the desire to keep moving forward, maybe slow down the pace, but continue forward.
Organizing is excellent for calming the mind. Cleaning the fridge is a task that I don’t hate and that I’ve been wanting to complete and that will make my nutrition goals easier and more efficient.
Adding novelty to my workouts will break up the boredom. I’m gonna get outside next time. There was a ballet barre workout that looked fun. I can do squats while I clean the fridge. Cool. Let’s give it a go!
Cheers to dusting myself off, and trying again.
Support to Have Awareness, Adjust My Mindset and Try New Ways
Many of our clients have similar experiences and face the idea that they are less than day in and day out. The reality is that’s simply not true, you are NOT stupid, lazy, or broken. While we know where this idea came from it is simply not even close to true.
It’s a whole experience, one that has been used against us for far too long. We learn differently. We think and process ideas, and feelings differently. We have unique ideas. We see how the world works in ways that surprise those around us, and we do care, but it can’t be measured by results alone.
Our therapy programs guide and support our clients, as they learn and practice self-awareness. Using self-awareness to participate in various exercises and strategies increases mindfulness. Growing in self-acceptance helps people meet themselves where they are, as they are, and utilizes the ‘just right’ level of support.
Some examples of awareness and mindfulness include recognizing energy levels, restorative or draining activities, and patterns of avoidance and strategies to create change. There is using natural curiosity to problem solve, strengthening a growth mindset, and increasing honesty within the individual and with others to build and implement helpful systems. Also, there is learning realistic limits and advocating for needs within families, schools, and employment.
Self-awareness, self-acceptance, and mindfulness are important steps in the process of growth and change as they allow us to engage in the just right challenge with the right level of support. When we have the appropriate support to match our current skill level we can achieve our goals. We must start somewhere. Start now wherever you are.
It’s Possible to Thrive!
Overall, we want you to know that meeting your goals and potential is possible. Increasing your consistency in all the areas as you wish. It is possible to lovingly acknowledge and accept where you need support and implement that support to reach your goals. It is possible to grow the gifts and talents that are within you.
We are here to help you recognize your strengths, bring awareness, and learn how to advocate for your needs.
You don’t have to face all of this by yourself. We have programs to help you navigate life, and learn more about what you need to thrive, not just exist and hope it gets better.
You can contact us here on our website to schedule a free consultation!